If You Give A Pig A Pancake...

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Okay, so I'm sorry for not posting a REAL post all week, but here's what I've been doing. (In the style of one of my children's favourite books.)

If You Give A Girl A Paintbrush...

...She's going to want to paint her kitchen. So, she'll buy the paint and start with the walls.

Then, she'll want to paint the trim. So you'll need to give her masking tape.

As she's taping, she'll notice the really terrible job that the previous homeowners did of the trim on the kitchen passthrough. So she'll say, "I can fix that!" Then she'll start taking off the cheap wooden planks they used instead of putting up drywall.


Then, she will be HORRIFIED to discover that they didn't even FRAME the passthrough--and she's pretty sure it is a load-bearing wall.


So, then you will need to let her use the computer and the phone. A LOT. To call her dad, who really knows a lot (or at least a lot more than her) about framing (he did build his own house, after all), and to go online to try to become a journeyman carpenter in an afternoon (or at least get some visuals of what the heck her dad was trying to tell her.)

Then, she will need to go to the hardware store to buy lumber and tools.

When she gets home, she will diligently start marking, sawing and nailing. Then, she will realize that she did not get enough tools.

So she will go back to the hardware store. With three kids. Who are bored out of their trees. Thank goodness the double stroller keeps at least two of them in one place!

After that, she will hammer and nail and saw some more, until finally, the framing is done.


Unfortunately, you might have to tell her that it is not plumb and square. So she will go back to the hardware store to get a level--and more tools and supplies. Yowch! Total project cost so far: $300.*


Then she will lament that all she wanted to do was paint her kitchen!!! So, after she has finished framing, drywalling, cutting trim, putting up beadboard, she'll want to make sure everything is the same colour.

So then she will ask you for a paintbrush.

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*Unfortunately, I haven't actually got my un-plumbed framing fixed, yet. But I will. I THINK I have all the tools. I'm probably at the asterisk in this story-line right now.

To further complicate matters, Noah totally freaks out every time he hears a power saw (which, fortunately, I was able to BORROW instead of BUY!) This makes it difficult to do more than two or three cuts at a time before he is down the stairs and climbing into my lap for comfort--and to prevent me from turning on the terrible monster again.

The previous owners of this house were only in here 2 years, but they did a lot of renovations. Unfortunately, they did all of them badly. They couldn't paint worth a darn. They laid laminate floor horribly. And all the materials they used were the cheapest ones they could get their hands on. It is unfortunate, because the house underneath is solid and good, but it needs some nicer clothes, now. We have managed to fix a few of the problems already, but mostly ones that the previous owners just hadn't addressed yet. (Although we did tile the master bathroom, which they had PAINTED with GRANITE-TEXTURED PAINT instead of putting any REAL flooring in there. They also put this same cheap, difficult-to-clean alternative to tile or quality materials on a peninsula in the kitchen, and on the hearth they built in front of one of the fireplaces. I found the can in the basement, and it said "Cleans off easily with a hose." Yeah, like I'm going to hose down my kitchen counter or bathroom floor on a regular basis. Some people [I say "some", but the percentage is probably higher] only turn their brains on for special occasions--and some don't even do that!)

So, that has been my week. I am falling behind in my housework--haven't done laundry in over a week, so we're getting down to the desperation underwear--and I've just been doing the bare minimums of office work so I can keep my customers happy!

Sigh. Did I mention that all I wanted to do was paint my kitchen?

At least the colour I picked for the walls looks nice!

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This sign is a new addition at the top of the hill entering our neighbourhood. I'm pretty sure it was put up by the owner the house who now has a walk-in basement, thanks to a couple of drag-racing kids, one of whose car's went airborne.

Jason saw the car sticking out of the basement, but unfortunately did not have a camera to take a picture of it. THAT would have been funny. (Well, to me, but not to the guy who owns that house.)

Quote of the Day:

"There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelflife." - Frank Zappa

Bonus Quote:

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

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6 comments

  1. Wow! You are my hero. How do you do it? Three boys under three, office work and a home improvement project??!! Really, what's your secret?

    And thanks for the link :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's looking good, Talena! The colour is nice. I, too have dreams of (re)painting my kitchen. I painted it last year when we first moved in. Although the light taupe was a vast improvement on the existing colours (hospital blue and ginch-pull yellow) I am now yearing for something with a little more life in it. Plus, I would like to paint the cabinets. Yikes! That's just the thing with home renos ... it starts off as one thing but then it just grows and grOWS and GROWS! I hope for you an end in sight. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks for the giggle!! Maybe you should add to your repetoire the fact that you probably could write childrens books of your own!!! And what the moral of your story is (in my humble opinion!), the best man for the job is a woman/mom!!
    Love you!
    Mom

    ReplyDelete
  4. Rohini--Well, there has been less than the usual amount of sleep involved in the last week. Going to try to make some of that up tonight, though.

    Colleen--As an ad in a paint magazine I picked up says, "Life is too short for beige." Yes, it has it's place, but other colours are way more fun! Love your descriptive terms on your colours, btw. I giggled. A lot. Tell me about the GROWING part. So there.

    Laurel--Thanks for the complement, Mom. Do you think you're biased at all? And, that wouldn't have been indirect man-bashing on my site, would it have?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi T!
    O.k. Thankfully for me, i had your comment delivered to me by mail!
    Honestly, the title 'Winters Day In' got me confused first, then i realized it's a part of your name!!

    This one is an awesomely good post, considering you undertook the job on your shoulder!! Lovely work done. That's what always happens... you step into the waters without knowing the depth - (costs, in your case!) waiting for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. bronzmash - Thanks for the complement, and thanks for stopping by my blog! Sorry for the confusion--I was trying to be all clever when I picked my blog name, but I suppose if you don't know who it's about, it just makes no sense.

    Cheers!

    T.

    ReplyDelete

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